Angela's Post

Reflections on living in the Salsbury Community
Angela ElzingaCheng
We came in late at night, and worked in the dark to pull everything out of the moving van we had rented to move our stuff from Rupert and 22nd to Salsbury Dr. We each took turns flopping down in the truck and resting on the last item to be removed – two futon mattresses, while the other two gamely carried our furniture and boxes in. What was this crazy adventure we set ourselves on seven months after moving together across the country? This short-term housing available to us for six months, this Nebo House, ready to be turned into Crossroads?
Heather, Jessica, and I had moved together from Grand Rapids, Michigan in August 2002 and saw the chance in April 2003 to be closer to our church and begin getting involved in bigger ways. We had already met with Michelle, before we moved in and shortly after Beth joined the house to make a full cadre of five people. Five people, knowing they needed to look for new housing in six months, but somehow hoping (not yet drawn into the Crossroads saga), somewhere in a dream world, that it could be longer. And it was (to our muted delight and Crossroads detriment).
In the Beginning…..
The houses are put together with people who are committed to the idea of living well together. They are not necessarily committed to each other, just the concept of each other. Much can be said about this, however, it is clear to me that it is very important to spend time together and intentionally get to know one another before much else happens. Visioning together, fun stuff, etc. great tools. Not sure if it needs to be facilitated by an ‘outsider’, but it is always helpful to have people who are good facilitators.
It was helpful to have a mandate to create something that talked about what we were about as a house and a deadline to get it in. The overarching vision of Salsbury helped us articulate some things, and then, our own passion, or lack of it (also very relevant) guided the ways in which we might express our own vision.
Love the application process – though not everyone is a writer. Perhaps that should be emphasized – it is important for someone’s heart to come through, not their ability to write???
Ongoing
A look back at our vision for our own house would give us a reminder, would hold us accountable and play a major role giving us courage to move forward. Great to do this with the other houses…
Meeting the other houses in Salsbury to talk specifically about living well together – who are you, why are you doing this, what do you do about the toilet, how do you work out this vision, what about meeting together, what about those dishes? We didn’t get to know the other houses too quickly – intimidated by these people who had been at it for awhile. We proved to be short-timers. We learned a lot in that short time, but this is recognizably wearying for those committed for the long term.
Regular group gatherings absolutely essential to our health as a house, can’t say enough about this. Meal together and business meeting after. We met every week, but I would say that’s not necessary. We started with all nighters – dinner, meeting, something fun. Not advisable. Especially when getting together is a stretch for some people in the first place.
Ending
We ended badly. One person leaving, the next, and so on… believing that we might continue and stay stable and sane. This did not set a good precedent for the present house of people that have gathered much like a Phoenix.
Overall structure
Very interesting having a separate board, financial backing and staff. Has set up an infrastructure for stability and has the benefit of being an ongoing catalyst to dreams of community living. As well as a resources for building vision, ongoing conflict, and energy for bringing things together as a whole. From this I will take the importance of having mentors, and an attachment to a church body for accountability, resources, and grace.
Conflict – It’s all about the dishes.
Talked a lot about this in a previous meeting, perhaps it could be expanded on here? I learned A LOT about myself, about others, and the absolute value of having people who are good facilitators be part of the resolution process. I was forced to confront my own demons because I made this commitment to an ideal – we have a commitment to each other (right??), which made conflict safer, but the stakes and end results much more important. For me this increased the intensity of any conflict, making resolution all the sweeter and stronger.
Our _expression of hospitality
We chose to express hospitality through MANY dinners served to more than our house and an open door to others coming in. The _expression of hospitality through the everyday ‘ness’ of a meal (and dishes afterwards) led to relationships of realness and vulnerability much quicker than a coffee, or just coming over. Over the summer, we had maybe one dinner served inside. We had many people stay with us – mostly friends and family, but also others. This led to two things – the need and necessity for your own space, as well as helping teach each other how to support others in the house in their _expression of hospitality. This also led to instability and stress.
In Transition – or looking for stability?
Living with people who previously did not have a stable place to live, which is a basic necessity according to Maslov’s hierarchy of needs (yes, I am a social worker), means that, of first and foremost importance is the stability of the home. Conflict is very stressful – it could mean getting kicked out, so one must fight hard and win. Having others in the house that are in transition could be threatening. A reminder of where one has been and could be.
We often had conflict about unrelated things (such as dishes, cleaning, etc) after at time of particular chaos/hospitality, or a time when someone who was not in a stable situation came and stayed with us for a while. Once housing is stable, someone can then move on to meeting other needs in themselves and others.
In the end, this was probably one of the harder living situations in my life, and one of the most vibrantly amazing.